Tim Worstall

Portugal Notes

I have a feeling that I’ve offended the gremlins, or the Gods of cycling, in some manner. Perhaps it is my insistence, during the Tour de France, of riding a bicycle wthout the aid of chemical stimulants.

I was out on Friday, doing a 25 km little jaunt (yes, yes, I know, a mere bagatelle to those who take the sport seriously, but I am well into middle age plus there are certain cigarette and beer consumption issues) when, at the point furthest from home, the back axle goes. This means that any pressure upon the pedals rubs the tyre against the frame and further, that the gears are completely out of whack. I can only use the two lowest gears, with great effort, to move the bike at all. So an interesting little 10-12 km grind home.

So yesterday I get dropped off at the supermarket there to buy a cheapo replacement. (I am under strict uxorial instructions not to buy a decent bike just yet: too many other things required to be done in rebuilding this house.) 50 € later I wander out into the sunshine and pedal away. 18 km to get home, a nice Sunday morning ride. Until I’m halfway up the only major hill between Silves and Messines, some few hundreds of metres from where the back axle had gone on Friday, and the pedal comes off the new bike.
Not the whole pedal, you understand, just the covering: there’s still the pin that goes through the middle, so progress is possible, just not simple nor convenient. I can return it within 15 days, there’s also a two year guarantee (standard at this supermarket chain: certainly a brave offer on £35 bicycles) so it isn’t really a massive problem. Tomorrow I’ll potter down there, pedal and a half as it is, swap it (probably paying a little more to upgrade to a bike that might last more than 20 minutes) and then cycle back (our car is too small to do it any other way).

But, my question is: now that the TdF is over, will the gremlins be appeased? Or do I need to search out some amphetamines to make sure that something else doesn’t happen at that same point on the return journey?

In

9 responses

  1. jameshigham Avatar
    jameshigham

    I think the problem was that you failed to have JJ playing through the headphones. The gremlins wouldn’t have liked that.
    Tim adds: Given the way the Portuguese drive, headphones while cycling here are definitely contra-indicated.

    Reply
  2. sortapundit Avatar
    sortapundit

    Let me ask you this: have you, at any point in the previous week, been eyeing up a more attractive bicycle? Perhaps on TV during the TdF? Was there lust in your eyes?
    The reason I ask is that your bikes may be having jealousy issues. I was browsing eBay yesterday morning for a replacement to my clunking old 5 series, and just a few hours later the car failed to get into reverse quickly enough to avoid a bonnet crumpling encounter with a blindly reversing 4×4 in the local Tesco car park.
    I may be well off-base here, but I suspect our vehicles are like unbalanced wives who threaten to cut themselves if we leave them.
    Just a thought.

    Reply
  3. Matthew Avatar
    Matthew

    I think this might be less the gremlins, and more you-get-what-you-pay-for. I’m all for not paying hundreds and hundreds of pounds, but £35!

    Reply
  4. dearieme Avatar
    dearieme

    I’ve got a spare Falcon that I hardly ever use. Pop in and borrow it if you like. The map shows that it’s all downhill to Portugal.

    Reply
  5. Surreptitious Evil Avatar
    Surreptitious Evil

    Amphetamines? How last year (or US Air Force, if it takes you that way.) Either you need a blood transfusion (ideally your own, and ideally taken from when you had been exercising at altitude), or large dollops of pharmaceutical testosterone.

    Reply
  6. james C Avatar
    james C

    What next? Your £20 car doesn’t work?

    Reply
  7. AntiCitizenOne Avatar
    AntiCitizenOne

    My new seat cost more than your bike!
    Tim adds: Well, yes, but perhaps I should add that the really expensive bikes, those scandium aluminium ones, are made with metal that we have produced. It’s just that, as with the herring, those bikes are for selling, not for riding.

    Reply
  8. AntiCitizenOne Avatar
    AntiCitizenOne

    Here’s what 500 quid will get you (and got me)
    http://www.bicycledoctor.co.uk/p_trek4900disc.html
    It’s aluminium (you can see by the thick frame as steel frames are thinner) so maybe there’s a bit of Worstall scandium in there!

    Reply
  9. Roger Thornhill Avatar
    Roger Thornhill

    Tim, a cheap bike is a terrible investment. They are a pain to ride, less efficient, less reliable and have limited resale value. Take it back for a full refund. Now.
    If you want to save money buy secondhand from the bicycling world’s equivalent of a “spec whore” always after the latest models.
    That, or just get a new rear wheel!

    Reply

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