Alerted by Ben Goldacre to this piece of the purest nonsense in The Independent I am left wondering if this is how civilizations fall. When the obviously well educated in that society, let alone the proles for whom the State provides as little as it can, believe in fantastical alarums, how can it survive?
I am well-doctored, to put it mildly. I probably consult more doctors
than Woody Allen, who has separate screenings of his movies for his
doctors. Everyone is entitled to a hobby; mine just happens to be my
health, and what a fascinating hobby it is.
Start with a hypochondriac then.
When at a loss to explain my new malaise, I visited my naturopath.
Correction, a deluded hypochondriac, one who consults charlatans.
Believe me folks, it’s not going to get any better from here on in.
She insisted that my exhaustion was caused by electromagnetic "smog" in my flat.
Yup, been going on since we started using light bulbs and that wireless radio, hasn’t it?
This made sense, as my symptoms had begun soon after installing wireless technology in my sitting room.
Riggghhht….
For example, although I’ve turned off my wireless access I can still tap in to my neighbour’s Wi-Fi downstairs.
Mmmmm…so you were exposed to these electromagnetic waves from your neighbour before you installed your own and they didn’t affect you. Showing that the causality of your own system is what?
"Any imbalance in our electromagnetic field creates a disturbance in
cell structure and function, which can lead to illness in sensitive
individuals," says London-based complementary health practitioner Dr
Nicole de Canha.
Right, well, obviously, umm, is this "our electromagnetic field" anything to do with our aura? Or, perhaps, something that is affected by the earth’s own magnetism? You know, that reason that when we ever move south or north we fall ill?
Even cordless hands-free home telephones – such a boon to multitaskers,
enabling one to patiently listen to friends and family for hours while
cleaning cupboards, re-potting house plants and reorganising the CD
collection – are now off-limits. Their electrical force-field is nearly
as powerful as that of a mobile phone. Since I’m now chained to a phone
on a lead, my cupboards are filthy and my friends are neglected. But at
least I’m less radioactive.
As a commenter at Ben’s place says, at last, we have a test for these things. Point a geiger counter at those claiming to be suffering from said radiation and count the clicks.
Conventional headsets transmit sound to the earpiece through a wire,
but as wire is an electrical conductor it may also deliver radiation
directly to your head.
That pretty much kills the iPod then, doesn’t it?
The homeopathic medicine company, New Vistas, and the Australian flower
essence company, Bush Flower Remedies, both make drops that claim to
reduce the amount of radiation stored in the body.
Radiation? Stored? Look, I’m all in favour of capitalism but guys, don’t you think there’s something a touch unsporting about taking money from the severely deluded?
"The heart of the unit is a programmed microprocessor unit that
produces a holograph field that is amplified through an internal aerial
system. This protection field protects the human system from the
negative effects of EMR,"
Err, holograph? Isn’t that light? So it is the lightbulbs that are killing us? Or is it the handwritten documents coming to get us?
As yet, no one knows what price we will pay for our dependence on modern technology.
As compared to not having modern technology actually we do. We’re surviving, something which a good 99% of the 6 billion on the planet wouldn’t do without it.
Naturopath, homeopath, holographic fields, look, we might as well start sacrificing virgins by throwing them down the wells to cure society’s ills.
That is if sanitation (ooooh! modern technology!) and the sex education system have left us with any of either.
700-square metre radius
WTFF?
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