Dear Lord….

I can understand this if the wood actually belonged to someone else: one of those feudal rights like dunnage or scottage (or are those themselves made up names? The French had one called "banalités", something to do with the wine press.) perhaps, but this seems like lunacy:

A couple of pensioners in Lancashire have been questioned by the
police for picking up branches to save on their winter fuel bills. The
fallen wood, it was argued, provided a home for a wide variety of
members of the insect community — and thus food for birds.

The local “civic society” in Lytham St Annes decided that the
pensioners had behaved in an antisocial manner and contacted the
police, with a view to possible prosecution . . .

 

 

Good King Wenceslas looked out, vexed beyond believing.
Gathering winter fuel like that is nothing short of thieving!
Fallen logs are part of our fragile ecosystem,
Put them back, you ancient mugs, or I’ll get the filth in.

Ha-llo, Ha-llo, what’s all this then? Said the surly copper,
Espying twigs contained within a bag from Happy Shopper,
You will get an Asbo for this reckless despoilation,
So sod your fuel bills, grab your coats, you’re coming down the sta-a-tion.

Is that really the state of the nation? That collecting firewood is anti-social behaviour?

2 responses

  1. That modern day Christmas Carol is nothing short of inspired.
    Best – Tony

  2. the key words in that story are “Lytham St. Annes”. Lytham is a horrible twee little town full of retired passed-over Majors in golf jumpers and wifies with nothing better to do. It is one redeeming feature of this case that the thrill of turning someone in to the ASBO cops was almost certainly responsible for as many as a dozen acts of sexual intercourse.

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