Tim Worstall

French Health Care

What’s wrong with this?

Isn’t the French health system marvellous? Don’t we all wish the NHS could match it? Well, oui et non. Listen to this story from a girlfriend of mine who has just returned from a holiday in the Cognac region.

She had dropped a piece of heavy furniture on her big toe (don’t
ask) and was in agony. After several painkillers and an hour’s
application of ice failed to do the trick, she persuaded her host to
drive her to the casualty department at the local hospital.

“You’d have done better to put ice in your cognac and drink
it,” said the doctor, before warning her: “This is going to hurt.” (Why
is it that British doctors and nurses only ever refer to “slight
discomfort”?) A high-tech trolley was wheeled in, on which sat — wait
for it — a paper clip and a cigarette lighter. The lighter refused to
work, so my friend offered the doctor a box of matches. He proceeded to
unfold the paper clip and heat up the end with a match. He then used
the hot end to burn a hole in her toenail to let out the blood that had
built up underneath.

 

Merveilleux, n’est-ce pas?

Sounds good to me. Cheap, effective, no mention of a four hour wait or of pensioners waiting on trolleys in the corridors. What’s not to like about such a health system?

In

4 responses

  1. Tim Newman Avatar
    Tim Newman

    This is standard treatment for treating a thumbnail you’ve whacked with a hammer. It is about the only thing you can do shy of an operation, which would be a bit OTT.

    Reply
  2. Geoff Avatar
    Geoff

    Excellent story, you should post it on the tricks of the trade blog! http://www.tradetricks.org/

    Reply
  3. David Gillies Avatar
    David Gillies

    I’ve also heard it described as one of the truly miraculous pain relief treatments in existence: from eye-popping, excruciating agony to mild discomfort in a matter of seconds. There’s usually a fairly spectacular squirt of blood accompanying it as well.
    And would a Frog doctor really advise putting ice in Cognac? Maybe in a mixed drink, I suppose.

    Reply
  4. Tom Reynolds Avatar
    Tom Reynolds

    Standard treatment on the NHS, I used to love doing it. the panicked look on the punter’s face, the almost anarchic equipment. The ‘squeal’ as the paperclip burns through the nail, the smoke and scent of burnt blood and the utter relief on the patient’s face as the pain vanishes.
    We’d nip them in and out as well as it was the sort of thing that us nurses could handle without the doctor having to do anything other than cast cursory eye over to see them first (and therefore have to write pages of notes for them).
    And you are aware that the four hour waiting times are for non life threatening stuff? Trust me, the less ill people are, the more they moan about waiting times.

    Reply

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